Won't Say It
by 9r7g5h
Summary: Because under no circumstances will Taz ever admit, to herself or others, that she might actually be in love.


**Disclaimer** : I do not own Starship.

* * *

Sitting there, clad only in her tank top and the shorts that she normally wore for sleeping, Taz decided that, the next time she saw Up, she was going to kill him.

Kill him until he was _dead_.

It had started off as a simple comment, a single phrase that would, hopefully, get February to stop bugging her. The airheaded science officer had asked her to go shopping, an idea that Taz had responded to with derision, claiming that she had better things to do 'dan look at shiny dings with jou.' When the idiotic girl had responded with the 'fact' that it would be a 'totally awesome way for us girls to bond,' Taz had just laughed, happy to destroy any misconceived notions that the blonde might have gained from the Academy. Amongst rangers of any gender or creed, bonding was done on the battlefield, a status quo that Taz was perfectly happy with. So, turning her back on the young woman, Taz had thrown one last flippant response over her shoulder before heading towards the gym, ready for her midafternoon practice run.

"Next ding jou know, jou'll be asking me to have a slumber party wid jou. Like dat would ever happen."

Unfortunately, standing unobserved down the hall had been Commander Up, whose word, while on the ship, was quite literally law. Every command he gave had to be followed to the letter, lest there be grounds for the charge of treason. And standing there, listening to every word that was exchanged between the Rangers, Up came to the conclusion that he liked what Taz had said.

So, it was because of Up, after two threats to throw her into the brig until they reached Earth and the promise to push her from the airlock after it was over to spare her the memories, that Taz found herself sitting in one of the spare rooms on a pile of pillows and blankets, looking at the faces of the only three other females on board.

 _Muerto Dios_ , she hated all of them right now.

"Are jou going to start the movie," Taz growled, her hand clenching around the handle of the knife she had hid in her pillow the night before in preparation for the moment she would have to fight her way to freedom. Hopefully, however, she wouldn't need to use it, because normally, on a good day, she did enjoy Specs' company, so having to kill her would be a shame. There was also the fact that Up really would jail her if she hurt any of them, and while she knew that she could quite easily avoid capture for however long she needed to, hearing Tootsie cry would make Up cry, and that had been something that she had been trying to avoid for the past few months. So, her plan was to wait until the others fell asleep-which would be soon, if February's and Specs' yawns were anything to go off of-then sneak out to return to the comforts of her own room. While not as bloody as she would have liked, Taz was sure that it would suffice.

"Come on already," she snarled once again, though her bad mood and anger at her situation did nothing to damped their excitement. Although they had already been going at it for almost three hours, February and Specs still retained their child-like mentality, acting as if they were actually excited at being forced to sleep in the same room. Megagirl had mainly just sat there, joining in on their discussions and smiling, seeming to find some form of joy in taking part without really participating.

Considering Taz hadn't left the corner she had occupied the moment she entered the room, refusing to unglue her back from the protective wall that allowed her to see all of her enemies at all times- even to collect the rehydrated pizza Krayonder had brought for them- this annoyed her even more.

"But Taz, we can't," February responded with a slight sigh, her voice similar in tone to what she would have used if she had been explaining something to a two-year-old. "We've only just finished talking about the interesting things that happened to us. We still need to do makeovers, having a pillow fight, and talk about our boys before we can start the movie. If we don't do everything in that order, this slumber party will, like, be totally not awesome. If you want, we can get started on the makeo-"

"No," Taz said, the glower on her face and threat in her voice being enough to stop the science officer from finishing that sentence. "Just, just no."

"Well," February said hesitantly, mentally making the decision that the order of the events wasn't as important so long as they were actually done, "if you want we could go to the pillow fight now and do makeovers later."

"I could kill jou wid dis pillow," Taz said, her arms repositioning the container of fluff under her arm more so that it actually looked like a gun, "and jou would never know. Even if I had to stuff the foam piece by piece down jour throat, I could do it. And in space, no one can hear jou scream."

"Okay, okay, no pillow fights," February quickly said as she held up her hands in a sign of surrender, a shudder running down her spine as she took in the almost joyful grin that had crossed the Lieutenant's face as she thought of killing them all. "Um, can we at least talk about the boys, please?"

"Fine," Taz said with a sigh as she smoothed the pillow across her lap and leaned back against the wall, coming to the conclusion that if she gave the girl too many things to complain about, Up just might make her do this again. And he would take away her knife. Listening she could do, even if it was blabber about the four males that they lived and worked with every day. But after it was over, she would insist that they begin the movie, thus setting everything in motion for her to make her escape.

Leaning her head back against the wall, Taz must have dozed off for a minute, for the next thing she knew the others had surrounded her, predatory smiles of their own fixed in place as they stared at her instead of being across the room as they should have been.

"What do jou want," she asked warily, all signs of weariness gone in an instant. She had been stupid, allowing her guard to fall like that, and now her strategically chosen position had become as good as a prison.

"The rest of us talked about our significant others," Specs said with a nod, though her smile had a slight shade of fear almost hidden behind it, as is she was scared of what she was about to say. "February about Beg, Megagirl about Tootsie, and me about Krayonder. Now it's your turn to talk about Commander Up."

"Up," Taz said after a few long moments, her mind drawing a blank as to the very important question she had thought of. "Why do jou want me to talk about Up?"

"Because," February said indignantly, "even if you were asleep, the rest of us already talked about our boyfriends, so it's only fair that you talked about yours!" Sitting back on her heels, February smiled and nodded as if she had just done something wonderful, unaware of the fact that she had just stepped on a landmine.

A landmine that was very, _very_ close to tearing her knife from its pillowy sheath and creating it a new one out of the science officer's eye socket.

"I don't know what jou have heard," Taz growled softly, her voice taking on a deadly tone that had Specs scurrying back- a smart girl, that one. "But me and Up? No way." Reluctantly, Taz swallowed the saliva that had gathered in her mouth; although the desire to spit was almost overwhelming, the soft pile of blankets under her would take the hit, and if she had to listen to Up complain about the amount of laundry she caused, she would kill him. Kill him dead.

And as pleasing as the thought was, she really wasn't up for being court marshalled when they eventually got back to Earth.

So she swallowed and glared. Which sent Specs scrambling for the movie, stuttering as she tried to get the blasted disc into the player, saying they should really get started on the movie before it got too late.

But February just pouted and turned towards Megagirl, looking for the support she wanted.

"The signals are all present," Megagirl said, her small smirk offsetting her monotone voice. "I have observed that, whenever you and Commander Up are in the same room, pheromone levels rise, your heart beat increases, your internal core temperature increases, and your pupils dilate. All signs of extreme attraction."

"Or extreme annoyance," Taz snorted, rolling her eyes. "Jour sensors are off. Or just wrong. I don't have to stay here wid jou, Up be damned," she finally added after a few moments of awkward silence, pushing herself to her feet. Pulling out her knife when February went to protest, she just raised her eyebrow and watched as, after a minute of wavering, she finally backed down.

"I'm sorry, Taz," February said, taking a few steps away, her head slightly bowed. "You don't have to stay, not if you don't want to. But we're going to watch Karate Kid." Smiling when Taz paused, perking up at the idea of watching her favorite movie, she nodded towards where Specs had set up the film, the screen hovering at the main menu.

"Well…" Watching as Specs walked over to the bag of snacks, pulling out a large covered bowl of popcorn and a package of Red Vines, Taz couldn't help but sigh as her resolve broke. This had Up written all over it, but she couldn't help but give in. "Alright. I'll stay."

"Yay!" February practically squealed with delight as Taz caved, clapping her hands as she ran around the room, finishing her own preparations before the movie could begin- getting the blanket fort set up, the pillows fluffed, the lights turned down low, everything the movie required.

Leaving the Taz and Megagirl alone. Never a good idea.

"You know," Megagirl said softly, "if you don't want anyone to know about you and Up, you really shouldn't come into the cafeteria smelling like sex. Or out of the shower like his shampoo."

"And maybe jou should mind jour own dead god damn business, jou metal _puta_. Before I stab dis knife into jour eye."

"Merely an observation," Megagirl said with a shrug, moving away to join February in her preparations, leaving Taz scowling after her.

Because perhaps Specs and Megagirl and February were a little bit right, in that there might be more than nothing going on. But she'd be as dead as god if she ever admitted that. She refused to even admit it when they were together, when it was just her and Up, locked away in one of their rooms- she sure as hell wasn't going to say it to anyone else.

At least, not until she was forced to. And when that moment came, well, she had her knife and she would kill someone before she ever admitted what was going on. Kill them dead.


End file.
